Tugging away at the intangible threads of my sanity, my emotions run haywire. “The time has come…” whispers the barely audible voice deep down my conscience. Trying to keep my thoughts from running amok, I try to gather what went wrong, that left me in such a turmoil, by slowly reassessing the paraphernalia of events… events that hound me till date, a mystic concoction of occurrences that are for long renegade.
As if experiencing a séance, my mind gets transferred back to 2007… Momentary intermittent flashes of the past conjure up a scene… which I soon realize I have no control over. “You want to know how it all started, don’t you?", it was the same voice again “It was YOU all along…Blind to the poignance of reality…blissfully imagining everything to be starry and bright…until reality slapped you in the face and made you realize that everything comes for a price…either you pay the price, or lose what you desire the most in the world…someone you cant live without…”
The year 2007. Everything else seems to have taken a backseat… A familiar figure on the board is trying to explain to us the tetracovalency of carbon. Random words like ‘bond’, ‘hybridization’, ‘electronegative’ float around in the air, and almost instantly I realize that I’m in a mess. I wish I had studied. Suddenly, I could see it all- The humiliations faced, the disillusions, the mistakes committed, and yet the infinite zeal to win someone’s heart…somehow.
The year 2008. 10th January 2008. The most significant day of my entire life. If I’m anything at all today, it would be just because of that day. I fondly remember my state back then- high on the spirits of euphoria… sincerely believing that nothing can go wrong. And that condition prevailed till date…till April 2009… But God had other plans.“I’m leaving…”“But…when…how…where?” “Away. I’m leaving this goddamn place”“When will you return?”“Never. I hate this place from the deepest core of my heart”“You wont return? Not even for me?”“No... wait…please don’t cry”“Even for me???...you wont come back for me…[*Sniff*]?”“I wont come back FOR you… I will come back, only to take you along”
Suddenly, everything went blank. It was the omnipresent voice again. “Isn’t it very common, that you find yourself wide awake, staring at the ceiling, with numbness setting in? It all started when the Cupid’s Arrow struck you…your grades degraded, the demarcation between morning, noon and night faded…all because you could not get the affection you were seeking. But eventually, when Lady Luck did shine upon you, you achieved what you desired…but you failed to realize an inconspicuous but undeniable fact- You had to leave the State. Everybody does. Flowers begin with petals, but end with thorns… Now there’s only one thing to do. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE”
Now everything became clear to me. The time was nearing. The anxiety of separation was building up within me. Emotions tend to rule out logic… ‘reasoning’ becomes an alien word. No amout of consolation or inspiring hopes can eradicate or nullify the pangs of separation. The pain becomes a part of you. I could feel the voice still vibrating inside me… Desperate to break free…“Fine,” I told myself “I’ll live MY OWN LIFE”… The vibration stopped. “I’ll live my own life FOR HER…”
